


Shatter Me

by badassontheblock



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Era, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Character Death, Sad Eren Yeager, Sweet Ending, dont worry, its happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:19:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badassontheblock/pseuds/badassontheblock
Summary: Levi lets go for once. Eren can’t. Together they might find a way to breath.Or, the story where Eren just needs a hug and Levi just wants to be a kid again.





	Shatter Me

**Author's Note:**

> Back at it again with another story when I’m horrifically late with my other updates *nervous laugh*. But I needed something like this to take a break, so here you go! This fic is stuffed with my own personal headcanons, just FYI. I think, unlike most people say, that Levi would really love the rain. He’d try to hate it because of Isabel and Farlan, but it just wouldn’t work. He’s too in love with the outside world. But what am I saying? Go read!!!

Rain beat hard against his window, something like what he imagined the ocean would sound like if he were to ever see it.

Levi was trying to concentrate, but the steady lull was just loud enough to distract him and just quiet enough to comfort him. He always enjoyed the rain no matter how much he hated the memory of it. It reminded him of family lost and terrors that should have been avoided. It reminded him of regret.

Every time it actually rained though, Levi felt himself drifting. Water dripping here and there and downpour washing over him. It made him feel at peace. He forgot his regret if only for a short time and lost himself in the trance as he listened to it.

A sigh pushed through tense lips. He’d been clenching his jaw again. The muscles ached. It was a bad habit that left his teeth throbbing and his mouth stiff, but the tic surfaced every time he was stressed. Maybe the rain had come at a good time after all.

Levi scratched at his hair roughly and finally made up his mind, pushing the paperwork away. It was getting dark anyway and no one would be by to catch him so relaxed. The cadets were most likely off to bed, Erwin was holed up in his rooms and Eren was locked in the basement. Levi wasn’t made of steel (like rumors said) and mussing up his hair for once was nice. He’d already removed his 3DMG for the day and dropped the cravat. At this point, soft sleepwear even sounded tempting.

The rain was insistent though, and outside was peaceful. Levi was half of a mind to let go and just walk in it like a five year old. He could always make up a threatening excuse for being out in the rain if the need arose. It was warmer today. Pleasant. He could do it.

His cloak was in his hands and his door open before he realized he was actually going for it. Going to run in the rain like a kid. Of course, Levi had never even tasted rain as a child, never felt the sting of wind or the tickle of grass and sun on his skin. He didn’t dwell on it.

Levi was on the stairs down when he heard a doorway open and the sound of rain increase. A slam echoed back up to him. Someone was up, and someone had left. Levi felt the urge to shrink back into his room. He’d cracked his shell for a bit, he was only wearing a light shirt and breeches, his facade was down. He felt like a child with their hand in the cookie jar. Nothing like a captain. This was his secret plan, his little mission. And as stupid as it was Levi wanted to keep it that way— secret.

His responsibility caught up to him quickly enough. Someone was up after hours. He should check on them, make sure it wasn’t some cocky— pun intended— jackass trying to sneak to a lovers’ rendezvous in the stables. Levi grimaced. He’d caught far too many of those in his time for it to be funny. Who on earth even considered having sex in hay? Did they have zero hygienic education? Most likely, but still. He shuddered. Even a cranky old virgin like him knew the ins and outs of what should not go where. Pun once more intended.

So Levi steeled himself and continued down the stairs and to the entrance hall, cracking the door to slip out into the rain.

 

* * *

 Eren hadn’t been able to sleep. He was having trouble doing anything well, really. He’d fucked up today, so many times. Transformation after transformation, all wrong. Levi had been disappointed. His hands were still lacerated with half-healed bites, the wounds purple and throbbing. They pulsed with his thoughts. My fault... my fault... my fault...

It was all him. His fault they couldn’t make progress. His fault they were stuck waiting. His fault so many had died already. His fault for Annie, for Trost, Stohess, the mission.

His fault for Squad Levi.

Eren knew the captain would never say anything. But he could feel it from the looks, the colder words, the harsher tone. Levi blamed him, even if unconsciously.  
That stung more than the fact that it was his fault. Strange, how Eren was so quick to hate himself, but the contempt of his superior tore at him far more. He felt like he couldn’t breath in fully. His chest was bound with iron and his eyes burned. The guilt chewed at him and spat him out frightened and alone. He left dinner early.

Petra was supposed to lock him up. Petra would smile and gently wrap his sore wrists with soft cloth before clicking the cuffs shut. Petra would sometimes tell him a joke or ruffle his hair much the way his mother did.

Petra was gone.

Eren saw himself to bed, locked his cell door and stared at the thin mattress for a few moments before sinking into a corner. He could hear rain outside. Maybe the rain could wash away this life. The guilt, the sadness, the anger. His memories of comrades lost. His schoolgirl crush or perhaps growing love for the captain, a feeling that was terribly unrequited.

Eren hadn’t cried in awhile. His hands really hurt.

He found himself standing and unlocking the door with the key he hadn’t replaced. His feet carried him up stairs and into the hall towards the double doors. Rain was still rushing down outside. It was after hours and everything was quiet. He’d get caught and in trouble. Eren didn’t really mind, as long as the water hid his tears long enough for him to breath properly. He stepped into the rain and pushed the door closed behind him.

 

* * *

 Not far from headquarters the forest began, creeping into the meadows like green ink on gold paper. Eren found a tree at it’s edge. From this spot the colors were running like they’d bled, the world being stripped away and reborn fresh. This was a secret moment. The rain let him hide. Something like the whispered Witching Hour, but far safer and more intimate. Like a mother’s embrace instead of the cold hands of a stranger. He could cry with the water falling around him.

Cry he did. At first Eren let a few shaky breaths out and allowed the tears to build, but soon they were hoarse sobs tearing out of his chest. He curled into his knees and shook. This was all him, and he was alone. Just for one second, he didn’t want to be a monster anymore.

His tongue felt thick, his eyes itched, his breathing came fast. The crying just wouldn’t stop. No one would hear and no one would come. Eren didn’t want them, or so he told himself. They’d cringe away, probably think he was having an episode of some sort and have him chained up again. He doubted anyone would even notice his tears. Anyone besides—

“Brat?”

No. Anyone but him. Not now, now in this rain when Eren knew he was covered in mud and sobbing like a baby. He had never wanted to hear that deep, cold voice more or less in his life.

Levi had been expecting many things when he followed the footprints in the soft earth towards the stables. He hadn’t known what to think when the trail led to the forest instead. Perhaps some hotshot trying to work their gear in the rain.

The last thing he’d been prepared for was the body curled beneath a tree, brown hair dark with rainwater and shoulders shaking with violent hiccups. Levi couldn’t say anything else. Eren was crying. His mind was blank, struggling. What should he do? Eren was crying.

They’d been hit hard. No one was unscathed. Only Eren had come away from the last few months physically healed, and no one had given the kid a second thought. How much had he been holding inside? How much had he cried alone? Everyone was pushing him, both physically and mentally. No one stayed to see the pieces fall. Was this what was left when Eren’s shield broke? Levi wanted to hit himself for not catching this sooner. His chest tightened.

Those hands that always handed him tea were leaking blood and swollen with bites. The boy looked too frail. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t the Eren that sent something tickling his heart when he smiled.

But Eren couldn’t respond. His eyes were panicked when he jerked his head up, tears poorly disguised by the water dripping from his bangs.

“Heichou,” he croaked out. This was it. He would get a few harsh words, get dragged back and left with cleaning duty for a few days. Or would the captain even care? The figure standing in front of him was less than reality. Levi’s hair was plastered to his forehead, his cloak slung loosely over the button-up he always wore. His eyes though, the color of the sky in that second, were soft. Just as the rain had stripped Eren, it had left another Levi. Not the other side of the coin but the inside of it. The shiny copper was gone. They were both laid bare and each was slowly seeing it.

“You’re crying,” Levi said quietly.

“I-I’m sorry,” Eren pressed a hand to his eyes.

“Don’t.”

Eren tried to swallow but another sob built up in his throat and forced its way out. Don’t what? Cry? Apologize? Come out here alone? Whatever it was Levi was ordering him not to do, he couldn’t open his mouth to answer.

Then something was sweeping around his shoulders and blocking the rain. It was warm and smelled of soap and wood fire. Eren was confused. Wasn’t this the part where Levi told him to get a grip? Wasn’t he supposed to get his heart crushed when his fears were made a reality and Levi admitted he did blame him? Yet the raven was bending down to kneel in the mud, tying his cloak around Eren’s neck and reaching to ease his hands from where they’d been gripping the fabric of his pants.

“Don’t take that blame,” Levi said firmly. His grip on Eren’s cold hands was strong but gentle, careful of his wounds. “Don’t hurt yourself over other’s choices. People make mistakes. You can’t take their screw ups as your own.”

Eren didn’t know how to respond. His felt himself seizing up again, ready to cry. It was as if Levi’s words had broken the floodgates. Their eyes met. There was only reassurance in the raven’s grey.

“Do you hate me for it?” Eren finally whispered.

Levi’s eyes widened minutely.

“Is that what you think?”

“I’m a monster,” Eren murmured as he looked down. “If I did things differently, if I was better... I could have fixed this. I don’t have the right to walk with everyone. I don’t have the right to play human like this, to care about you.“

Fuck. It wasn’t like it wasn’t noticeably anyway. The silence was deafening, even through the rain.

“You’re not playing human,” Levi said slowly. “Some people are smart. Others paint. Others kill. You turn into a titan. Big fucking deal. Do you feel pain, Eren? Do you cry?” The brunet stayed quiet. “For fucks sake, I’ve killed and fought more than anyone in these walls. Am I human to you?”

“Yes,” Eren frowned.

“Good, then so are you,” Levi nodded. “And as long as you need someone to tell you, I’m here.”

He didn’t think about the world when he leaned forward and kissed Eren. This had been too long coming, and hurting both of them in the wait. Here and now Eren’s hands were cold but his lips were warm. The kiss tasted of salt and rain but neither cared, melting into each other’s arms like they belonged there from the start. Eren’s quiet crying had started up again, but now Levi wasn’t worried. With the way his heart was soaring he could understand the brunet’s tears. Eren’s smile brushed Levi’s mouth when they parted.

“Is this really happening?” Eren’s question flitted from between wet lips.

“Yeah,” Levi let the corner of his mouth twitch up. “If you want it to be.”

Eren was still smiling when he leaned up to press their lips together again. It was slow and sweet this time around, both still getting used to the feeling. Eren’s hands were tangled in Levi’s hair. The rain kept falling.

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are like sprinkles on the donuts of life. Also, kinda random but yes, Levi’s a virgin in this fic. Most stories he’s literally a sex god, but in canon he’s done literally nothing so we’re keeping it that way here ;) 
> 
> Thank you all for reading though!!!! I hope you liked it :)


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